


Back to the Start || Harry Styles AU

by lisavslisa



Series: Stars in Your Eyes [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, College, F/M, First Love, Friendship/Love, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Loss of Trust, Loss of love, Love, Non-Explicit Sex, Non-Famous Harry Styles, Non-Famous Louis Tomlinson, Post-High School, Sexual Situations, Underage - Freeform, Underage Drinking, alternate universe - tomlinson family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-06-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:34:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22220383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisavslisa/pseuds/lisavslisa
Summary: Leaving Shay when Louis told Harry to was his worst mistake.Up until this point.Two years pass after Harry drops a bombshell on Shay.It’s been two years that they’ve spent apart.But when Shay heads off to the same college as Harry and Louis,She soon realizes she can’t get rid of Harry,Or the things he’s done.How many nights does it take to count the stars?That’s the time it would take to fix my heart.Sequel to Stars in Your Eyes
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Stars in Your Eyes [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1599511
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue

**_Christmas 2012_ **

“What do you mean you’re not coming?” Louis asked Harry, standing in the doorway of his dorm room.

“Well, I mean… I’m coming. But, just… I got a later flight,” Harry shrugged, sitting at his computer desk.

“What? Why?” Louis scoffed, giving him an odd look.

“I, uh… I have this stupid paper that needs to be turned in for English Lit. I’m just way behind,” Harry lied through his teeth.

“So write that shit at home and email it,” Louis scoffed again.

“I can’t. I just need to hand it in personally. My professor’s a real dick, dude,” Harry said, shrugging his shoulders passively.

“Shay’s going to be pissed,” Louis said, giving Harry a knowing look.

“She’ll understand. It’s school work,” Harry said, swallowing hard at the thought of his beautiful girlfriend.

Harry couldn’t wait to see her face. He really couldn’t. But he knew he didn’t deserve the satisfaction.

“Well, when is your flight?” Louis asked, resigning to the fact that his best friend wouldn’t be traveling with him.

“In two days,” Harry said quietly.

“WHAT!?” Louis said incredulously.

“I… that’s the only flight I could get, Louis. It’s fucking Christmas,” Harry told him.

“Just, wow. Whatever, dude. Have fun explaining that to my sister,” Louis said, scratching the back of his neck.

“Shay will understand, man,” Harry told him with a sigh.

“You better hope she does,” Louis chuckled.

Although she would be understandably disappointed, Shay wouldn’t be mad. Harry could almost guarantee it. He just really wish he could say the same about _other_ things.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you when you get home,” Louis said, giving a passive shrug.

“Yeah, man. See you,” Harry said, giving him a small wave before he left, closing his dorm room door behind him.

Harry sat forward in his chair, digging his elbows into the tops of his legs as he blew out a large breath into his hands. Shay most definitely _would_ be mad and he knew it.

Harry received a phone call from Shay that night when Louis arrived home without him. She was worried about him, wondering why he’d let something as trivial as a paper hold him back when he was usually so good about doing his school work. Harry hated lying to her. He really did. But it helped postpone having to tell the truth. And that’s what he was dreading.

He was certain when he saw her face he was going to crumble. He would crumble straight into her arms and not be able to get out what he needed to say. He was trying to prepare himself. He was trying to go over it all in his head.

He loved her so much and he felt sick knowing he would hurt her.

…

“You’re sticking around for the Holiday’s, too?” Harry heard a girl’s voice from behind him as he ate his breakfast in the almost deserted cafeteria at the University.

He looked up to see Christy Parsons, a girl that was in his English Lit class, standing in front of him. Harry sighed at the sight of her as his cheeks began to burn. She was an amazingly beautiful girl. She had long brown hair that she always had curled or styled perfectly. And she had a gorgeous body – one that guys took notice of whether or not they had a girlfriend back home.

“Uh, no. I, uh… I’m leaving tomorrow,” he told her as he went back to shoveling cereal into his mouth.

“Oh. Do you mind if I sit here with you?” She asked, giving him a small smile through her perfect white teeth.

Harry let out a semblance of a grunt as he chewed the cereal in his mouth. He would rather not sit with her, but he wasn’t going to be rude. Eventually she would get the hint. At least he hoped she would.

“Are you excited to see your family?” She asked, sounding cheerful as she opened her milk and poured it over her dry cereal.

“Yeah. And my girlfriend,” Harry said, looking up at her through his eyelashes, hoping she’d take the hint.

“Oh,” she said quietly, looking over at him. Harry just chewed on his cereal as he stared back at her.

“I, uh… I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” she said, finally breaking her eye contact.

“Yeah. I do,” Harry told her, sounding short on purpose.

She nodded her head slightly and he watched the blush creep up her cheeks. She was feeling exactly what he was feeling and he knew it. Except, what he was feeling was much worse.

They ate the rest of their breakfast in silence. And when he was done, he stood up, said a quick goodbye before walking away from the table.

Harry stayed in his room for the rest of the day watching the pure shit that cable television had to offer. He only had cable in his room because of his roommate. He was some sort of techno genius and somehow was able to pirate it from the community lounge or some shit like that. Either way, it beat the hell out of watching whatever public television had to offer. There were only so many infomercials he could tolerate before he wanted to slit his own throat.

...

Harry drug his suitcase slowly through the terminal at the airport. Everyone around him was in such a rush, but not him. He dreaded the homecoming. He dreaded seeing Shay’s smiling face and trusting eyes. As much as he wanted to see them, he knew he shouldn’t place too much hope in them making him feel better.

As he sat on the plane, he thought of last Christmas. The happiness of that time seemed so far away from what he was feeling as he sat alone on the plane. Shay gave herself to him – the one thing she had left to give. And he took it greedily. She gave him herself and less than a month later he ripped her happiness away from her. He should have stuck up for her, for them when Louis gave him that stupid fucking ultimatum. What the hell did it matter anyway? Look at how it turned out. Louis was perfectly content with him dating his sister. Once he saw them together, saw that they were truly happy, he took it for what it was. And Harry was happy. Shay made him so god damn happy. She still did. She still gave him butterflies and happy thoughts and all of that stuff. Everything people were supposed to feel in a healthy committed relationship, he felt for her and vice versa. They were the Ken and Barbie of high school sweethearts. Everything she did, everything she was, made him fall even more in love with her. She literally was everything he wanted.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut tightly, trying to break his thoughts away. It was making him sick to his stomach. Shoving his headphones in his ears, he put on his iPod and tried to drown out the thoughts with music.

When his eyes fluttered open, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see the flight attendant trying to get his attention. He pulled out his ear buds quickly, sitting up in his seat.

“Sir, we’re preparing to land. If you could buckle your seatbelt,” she said, smiling politely.

“Uh, yeah. Sure,” Harry said doing as she asked.

He stowed away his iPod in his backpack as he waited to be thrust upon the New Jersey soil. _Home_.

Harry was grateful his luggage was one of the last off the plane. Baggage claim was nearly dead by the time his tiny black suitcase shot down onto the carousel. Sighing, he grabbed it off and pulled up the handle. His family – whoever they sent to pick him up – was probably already waiting for him outside of the airport. It was Christmas Eve. Mom was probably at home preparing dinner for everyone. She probably sent Gemma.

Preparing to see his older sister waiting for him in the old Jeep Cherokee, he was rather dumbfounded when he saw his sixteen year old brother Damien sitting behind the wheel.

“I got my license!” Damien said, smiling widely at him as Harry piled in the passenger seat.

“I-I can see that,” Harry said, looking at him wide-eyed.

“It’s sweet,” Damien chuckled.

“Congrats, man,” Harry said, his voice sounding slightly monotone.

“It took a lot to convince mom to let me pick you up. But Gemma’s got her new boyfriend over and she didn’t want to. So here I am,” Damien said as he drove through the crowded pick up area.

“Uh, maybe you should concentrate on driving instead of talking,” Harry said, feeling sick to his stomach as Damien swerved in and out of the cars.

“I’m a good driver,” he laughed.

“Prove it,” Harry challenged, causing Damien to scoff, but it got him to shut up.

As Damien drove, Harry sat in the passenger seat, the very seat where Shay sat so many times. He could almost feel her. He could almost hear her laughter. He could almost feel her body pressed against his like it did so many times laying in that backseat.

Harry let out a sigh and looked out the window, watching the snowy scenery of the city.

“What’s up with you, man?” Damien asked.

“Nothing. Why?” Harry asked.

“You seem depressed or something,” he said, looking over at his older brother.

“Nah,” he lied. He seemed to be good at the little white lies lately – the ones that were so easy to tell that he could almost convince himself they were the truth.

“Are you missing Shay?” He asked.

“Always,” Harry sighed.

“You’re all she can talk about,” Damien said, causing Harry’s head to snap in his direction.

“You and Shay have been hanging out?” Harry asked and Damien laughed out loud.

“Yeah. We’re friends,” he chuckled, shrugging passively.

“Yeah,” Harry sighed, letting himself calm down.

“Why was that such a surprise?” He asked.

“I don’t know. I guess I forgot,” Harry said, shrugging his shoulders.

“Don’t worry. She’s all yours. I’ve, uh… I’ve got a girlfriend,” Damien said smirking.

“What? Really?” Harry asked, feeling slightly happy for his little bro.

“Yeah. Her name is Becca,” Damien said as a blush crept up his face.

“Good for you, man,” Harry told him genuinely.

“Yeah. I like her,” He smiled. Harry nodded, knowing exactly how he felt.

…

“My baby, my baby boy!” Harry’s mother Anne yelped as he walked in the door, throwing her arms around him before he could even put his bags down.

“Hi, Mom,” Harry sighed as she kissed his cheeks.

“Harry, you look good. Have you been eating enough? I’ve got so much food cooking right now. Are you hungry?” She spoke a mile a minute.

“Mom, calm down,” Harry laughed.

“Anne, honey. Give the boy some space. He just got home. Luckily in one piece,” Harry’s dad Des said, ruffling Damien’s hair.

“Hey! I’m a good driver! Ask Harry,” Damien said, looking to his older brother for some back-up.

“Yeah, when he’s not chattering on like a little girl,” Harry smirked.

“Hey! I resent that,” Damien said.

“Harry,” Des said, smiling at him as he shook his hand.

“Hi, Dad,” Harry said as Des pulled him into a hug.

He really was glad to be back home with his family. He really missed them while he was away. He missed their closeness and the love they all possessed for each other. He couldn’t have asked for a better family.

“Dinner is almost done, baby. Why don’t you get settled and then come back down,” Anne told him.

“Alright,” he nodded, picking his bags back up before he headed up the stairs.

When he walked into his room, he let out a sigh. Everything reminded him of Shay. _Everything_. It was the room almost exactly a year ago where he really felt her for the first time, where he fell in love with her harder than ever, where he held her and loved her and kissed her.

“Hey, you,” Harry heard.

He swore it was his mind playing tricks on him. When he turned around, there she was. She was standing in his doorway like a little blonde angel. She was smiling and she was beautiful and everything he ever wanted.

“Shay,” he breathed.

“Harry!” She said, running into his arms.

“Hi, babe,” he said quietly as he held her in his arms, breathing in her scent.

“I missed you so much, Harry. _God_ , so much,” she said, bringing her hands up to his face before she kissed him over and over again.

He could feel himself melting into her. He knew it would happen. He wanted it to happen so badly. He loved her so much.

“Ahem,” they heard someone clear their throat from behind them.

Harry and Shay pulled apart and looked to the direction of his open door. His seven year old sister Jackie stood there with her arms crossed over her chest.

“Baby girl!” Harry said excitedly, pulling out of Shay’s arms completely.

“Hi, Harry,” she smiled as he grabbed her in his arms for a hug.

“Sorry, I missed your birthday, Jacks,” Harry told her.

“It’s okay. You missed Damien’s too. And Gemma’s,” Jackie pointed out.

“I did, didn’t I?” Harry smirked.

“Yeah,” she nodded.

“How old are you now? 21? 22?” Harry asked.

“No!” She shouted, crossing her arms over her chest again.

“Well, jeez. How old are you then?” He asked her playfully.

“SEVEN!” She said, giggling.

“Ohhh! Seven,” Harry nodded and he could hear Shay giggling from behind him.

“You knew that!” She told him.

“I think I did,” Harry laughed.

“Harry! Dinner!” They heard Gemma shout from the stairs.

“Dinner!” Jackie said, running out of his room. Harry turned to find Shay smiling at him.

“Are you here for dinner?” He asked her.

“Of course,” she smiled sweetly at him.

“But what about your family? You always have Christmas Eve dinner with your family,” Harry pointed out.

“I figured I’d change up the tradition this year. I am going with your family to church tonight too. Like you came with mine last year,” she smiled at him as she intertwined her fingers with his.

“Right,” Harry breathed as she leaned in to kiss him.

“Come on,” Harry said, leading her out of his bedroom and downstairs for dinner.

…

Harry was almost afraid to be alone with Shay. He knew he would get caught up in seeing her again. When they got back home from church, he coaxed her down to the TV room to watch a Christmas movie with his siblings. They didn’t need to go up to his room. That could wait.

“College has made you so serious,” Shay said, running her finger down his nose as she curled up next to him on the couch.

“What? No,” he said, shaking his head lightly.

“You’ve hardly cracked a smile all night,” she said, leaning her head against the back of the couch.

“I’m just tired,” he said, leaning his head against it too, to look at her.

“Maybe you should go to sleep,” she sighed.

He knew that was the last thing she wanted him to do, that she wanted to spend as much time with him as she could, but she gave him the perfect excuse to call it a night and he took it.

“Maybe I should,” he said, stretching his arms up over his head.

Harry pulled himself up off of the couch and held out his hand for her to take. When she did, he helped her off of the couch.

“I’ll take you home,” he told her.

“I’ve, uh… I’ve got my own car,” she told him.

“Oh, that’s right. Then I’ll walk you out,” he told her.

“Okay,” she smiled, leaning up to kiss him.

It was cold out – probably sitting somewhere below freezing. The snow hadn’t held off this year like it did last year. There were piles of it all around, covering just about everything. Shay’s car sat in the street and they walked hand-in-hand down the driveway toward it.

“I want to get together tomorrow night, Harry. I want to hold you and touch you and love you. Like last year. I want it to be special. It’ll be, you know… the first time since you went away,” she said, stopping in front of him.

His heart didn’t know what it wanted to do – either explode from excitement or implode from misery.

“Can we get together, Harry?” She asked, looking up into his eyes with her big beautiful ones. And he couldn’t say no. He could never say no to her.

“Yeah, we can get together,” he told her quietly.

Shay wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close, kissing his lips. He wanted to live like that forever. Just forever wrapped up in her arms.

“I love you, Harry,” she breathed against his lips.

“I love you too, Shaylynn,” he told her honestly.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night?” She asked as she pulled away.

“Yeah,” he nodded, watching her lips as a smile turned them upward.

“Bye,” she waved and got into her car.

Harry watched and waited as she drove off. He almost wanted to just collapse into the snow bank and leave himself there to die. It would be easier.

…

Harry almost forgot about everything all throughout Christmas Day with his family. Having a seven year old around on Christmas morning sure made it a lot more fun than it would be with a bunch of teenagers. They got to really get into the Christmas spirit. And really, the best part was that they still got presents from Santa because of Jackie.

They spent the afternoon at his grandparent’s house with his mom’s side of the family. They spent last year out of town with his dad’s side, so it was a New Jersey Christmas this time. Harry really loved hanging out with his aunts and uncles and all of his cousins. They had fun fooling around and playing board games and stuff like that. It wasn’t until he received a text from Shay early into the evening that he was reminded about their rendezvous. She told him she was going to sneak him into her room like old times. Only this time, it would be a lot more difficult since he hadn’t been invited to sleepover. Those days were long gone. When he did sleepover throughout the summer, Louis kept firm tabs on him at all times. And there wasn’t much he or Shay could do about it. But this time, she had plans to sneak him in, like he snuck her to his house last Christmas. She was trying so hard and he loved her for it. He just hated himself more.

Harry stood hovering on her front step at midnight waiting for her to come let him in. It was fucking freezing – a fact that he couldn’t get away from as his teeth chattered and his body shook with tremors. When she pulled open the door, he couldn’t have been happier to see her.

“Did you walk here?” She asked, looking out to the road.

“Yeah. And it’s freezing out,” he shivered as she let him in the door.

“Oh, baby,” she said quietly, running her hands up and down his cold arms.

“Just… I just want to be warm,” Harry said, kicking off his shoes.

Shay shoved them in the closet, just in case Louis or her parents woke up in the middle of the night.

“My bed is warm,” she smiled suggestively at him.

“I bet it is,” he retorted. She giggled lightly as he followed her quietly up the stairs to her room.

The only light on was the soft glow of candles burning all around the room.

“Whoa,” he said, looking around.

“Do you like it?” She asked, closing her bedroom door softly.

“As long as it doesn’t burn the house down,” he smirked at her as he took off his jacket and threw it on her chair.

“Shut up,” she said, lightly smacking his arm. He chuckled at her.

“Are you still cold?” She asked.

“Freezing,” he told her. She smiled as she moved her body toward his.

“Your hair. It’s longer than before,” she breathed, running her fingers through the tuft at the front.

“Yeah. I uh… I need a haircut,” he told her, looking up at what he could see of it.

“I like it,” she breathed as her arms wrapped around him and her lips pressed against his, warming him instantly.

He wanted to stop her. He really did. He wanted to talk. He needed to say what he hadn’t yet been able to. But her lips were so soft and he couldn’t pry himself away. Shay was just so inviting. She felt like home and he just wanted to wrap up with her. He wanted to feel what he’d been missing for so long.

As he crawled up her body on the bed, his brain lost all other trains of thought. He had his blinders on and all he could see was Shay.

“Remember last year?” She smiled up at him.

“How could I forget?” He breathed.

“I will never regret it, Harry,” she told him.

Harry leaned down pressing his lips firmly to hers as his hands explored her curves. Her body was just so amazing and he couldn’t stop himself. He pulled her shirt over her head and let his hands fall over her bare chest.

“ _Mm_ ,” she moaned. And it was like kryptonite, weakening him further.

 _Oh, god_. He wanted her.

His lips came down, kissing her heated flesh, trailing straight down her body until he got to the waistband of her pajama pants. His fingers gripped onto the hem and pulled them down her legs, coming straight back up for her panties. But she giggled as she sat up, stopping him.

“My turn,” she smiled at him, grabbing for the bottom of his shirt.

Harry smirked at her as she pulled his gray sweater and t-shirt over his head.

“I’ve missed this, Harry. I’ve missed being with you,” she said. Harry leaned down to kiss her lips.

“I’ve missed it too,” he told her sincerely.

Her fingers found the waistband of his sweatpants and pushed them down, along with his underwear. He stepped out of them and toed off his socks before he focused back on her.

“Do you have—” He started to ask.

“I do,” she said, reaching over to her nightstand drawer, pulling out a condom.

“I’m still on the birth control too,” she reminded him.

“Alright,” he said, grabbing the condom from her and putting it on himself.

His fingers grabbed onto the sides of her underwear and pulled them down her legs in one sweeping motion.

“Move up,” he told her and watched as she wiggled her body up her bed. He crawled up onto the mattress and hovered over her body.

“I love you, Harry Edward Styles,” she smiled up at him.

“I love you so much, Shaylynn Johannah Tomlinson,” he told her, leaving a kiss on her lips as he pushed inside of her. She gasped against his mouth and it shot a pleasing sensation through his body.

“I’ve missed you,” she said again as he began his movements.

“You have no idea,” he breathed.

It almost felt too good to be true. He really did miss this. And not just the sex. The intimacy too. Being that close with someone. He missed it all.

Harry felt sort of bad when he finished before Shay could even have a chance. It had been so long, he was lucky to have lasted as long as he did. Shay didn’t seem to mind though. She just held him against her naked body as their breathing returned to normal.

Harry started feeling extremely guilty that he let things progress so fast, when he knew there was something he needed to get off of his chest. It wasn’t fair to Shay at all. Harry sat up, pulling away from her.

“Where are you going?” Shay asked, sitting up slightly.

Harry pulled himself off of the bed, replacing his underwear back on his body, but then sat back down on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

“Harry, what’s the matter?” Shay asked, concern in her voice.

“I shouldn’t have let that happen,” he said, feeling even worse than before.

“What do you mean? What are you talking about, Harry?” Shay asked.

“I just shouldn’t have,” he said.

“Is this… is this because you’re in college now and I’m still in high school?” She asked.

“N-no. Not that. No,” he said, shaking his head.

“Then what? Harry, you’re freaking me out, right now,” she said, coming to sit next to him.

“Shay, I have something to tell you,” he said, looking up into her eyes.

“Yeah. Anything,” she said, looking at him concerned.

He had to look away from her. He couldn’t face her forgiving face.

“I, uh…” he breathed.

“What is it, Harry?” She asked, rubbing his back with her hand.

“Can you just… can you please stop that?” He asked, wiggling his back slightly.

“Yeah. I’m sorry,” she breathed, pulling her hand back.

“Please, don’t apologize to me, Shay. You have nothing to be sorry for,” he said, looking back into her eyes.

“Harry, what is going on?” She asked more sternly this time.

Harry took in a deep breath and let it out as he focused his attention on his hands in his lap.

“I started partying a lot at school. I, uh… just at the end of this semester. I went to a lot of parties. I started drinking a lot. Like… like _a lot_ ,” he told her.

“Okay,” she said.

“And, uh… sometimes I would get so drunk I’d wake up in my bed and not remember how I got there and forget things that happened the night before,” he kept going.

“Okay,” she said again.

“And, uh… last weekend I, uh… I went to this frat party thing. It was this stupid ugly Christmas sweater party, where everyone dresses in the most hideous Christmas sweater they can find,” Harry explained.

“I know what an ugly Christmas sweater party is, Harry,” Shay told him.

“Alright. Okay. That’s irrelevant anyway,” he said, waving his hand through the air.

“Why don’t you get to the relevant part then?” She said, sounding a bit annoyed.

“Yeah,” he said, taking a deep breath. Shay shifted on the bed next to him, waiting for him to hurry the fuck up.

“So, I got really blitzed at this party. Like black-out drunk. I didn’t have a clue where I was, what I was doing. Nothing,” he said.

“Uh-huh,” she said impatiently.

“And I, uh… I woke up in my bed the next morning,” he said, looking up at her. She was staring back at him, waiting. He cut his vision away.

“But I… I wasn’t alone,” he told her.

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“There was a girl,” he said. Harry heard Shay take a sharp intake of breath.

“And… and we were… we were only wearing our underwear,” he confessed.

Shay was frozen next to him. She wasn’t moving, she wasn’t saying anything. She was just there.

“I-I don’t remember anything that happened or didn’t happen. I-I… she was just there and I was there and I don’t remember, Shay,” Harry said, feeling absolutely horrible.

“You just don’t remember?” She choked out.

“I really don’t. And I didn’t talk to the girl after. I just… I panicked and I left her there. I just… when I went back to my room, she was gone. And I didn’t talk to her about it. I just don’t know. And I’ve felt so horrible over it. I don’t remember. You’ve got to believe me, Shay, if I was in my right mind, there would be no way in hell that I would ever end up like that. I love you so much. You mean everything to me,” Harry explained, cringing at how bad it all sounded.

“If you were in your right mind?” She choked out, pulling the blanket up her body.

She was retreating from him. He could feel it. He dreaded the moment when she told him to fuck off forever.

“I mean, I just… I guess I don’t really have an excuse because I let myself get like that. I let it happen… if anything happened,” he said.

“If anything happened? Obviously something happened, Harry. You don’t just end up in a bed in your underwear with another person without something happening,” she shot at him. And she was probably right. He was so fucking stupid.

“I’m so sorry,” he cringed.

“God!” She growled.

“I’m so sorry, Shay. I’ve been so depressed over it. I don’t know how I could let it happen. You mean everything to me. I swear,” he pleaded.

“You—” She choked out as her tears started.

“Shay, I’m sorry,” he said again.

“I… I think you should go, Harry,” she breathed quietly.

“Shay…” He started.

But really, he had nothing to say. He said it all. He really didn’t deserve her forgiveness. She trusted him and he broke that trust. He let her down.

“Please, Harry. Just go,” she said, slightly turning away from him.

“I’m so sorry,” he told her.

“Just…” She said, holding up her hand.

Quietly, he pulled on his clothes and replaced his jacket.

“I love you, Shay. I really do. I always will,” he told her.

“ _Fuck_ ,” she grumbled under her breath as she bit her lip, trying to hold back her tears.

Harry paused at her door for a few lingering moments, looking at the beautiful girl he loved, but broke so easily.

“I’m so sorry,” he told her one last time before he pulled open her door and snuck out it.

…

Harry woke up the next morning from a knock on his bedroom door.

“Come in,” he croaked out as he sat up in bed. The door slowly opened, revealing Shay’s beautiful face.

“Shay,” Harry breathed, looking at her wide-eyed.

And he almost confused himself into think the night before didn’t happened. That he didn’t tell her all about his fuck-up with Christy Parsons back at school.

“Hi,” she said quietly, looking down at the ground as she stood in front of his bed.

But he knew by the distance she kept from him, that he told her. If he didn’t, she would have crawled straight in bed with him without a word.

“Listen, Shay. I’m sorry. I-I… I wish I didn’t… I wish this never happened. I would take it back in a heartbeat if I could,” he told her, pulling his legs up to rest his arms on them.

“I know,” she said quietly.

“You know?” He asked puzzled.

“Look, Harry. I believe it was a mistake, okay. I believe it with all my heart because I know how you feel about me, about us,” she said.

“I love you so much, Shay. I really fucking do,” he told her.

“I know,” she said again.

His heart was sputtering and fluttering in his chest. Would it be that easy? Could he hope for her forgiveness that fast?

“I know if something happened between you and whoever she was, that it didn’t mean anything. And honestly, I believe in my heart you’d never take it all the way with someone else. I may be naïve in saying and thinking that, but you’re not a bad guy, Harry,” she explained.

Tears formed in his eyes with her words. She was the most amazing girl he ever set his sights on. He was so god damn in love with her, he almost couldn’t breathe.

“But with that being said, I can’t even begin to tell you how badly this kills me, Harry – how badly my heart hurts right now. The fact that something like this happened, literally makes me sick, okay. And I just think… I think we’re just… we’re in over our heads,” she said.

His heart was slowly crumbling in his chest cavity.

“Shay…” He breathed as the tears blurred his eyes.

“The distance… it’s too hard. It’s too much. If something like this can happen in the first few months of you being gone, then I don’t think I can handle the next two years, Harry,” she said as she too began to cry.

“Shay, no. Shay, please,” Harry cried.

“I just… I can’t sit here wondering if you’re thinking about me. If I matter enough for you to think twice before you do something so stupid,” she said.

“Shay, my god,” he said, letting his head drop into his hands.

“I can’t do this, Harry,” she breathed.

“Please, don’t,” he said, getting up and scrambling off the bed toward her.

“Please, just please. It won’t ever happen again. I promise you on my life,” he told her.

“You can’t promise that, Harry,” she said, shaking her head.

“I can and I will,” he said, wiping her tears away with the pads of his thumbs.

“No,” she said, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Shay, I love you. I love you,” he said desperately, pressing his lips to hers quickly.

“I love you too, Harry. But I think it’s for the best. It will be better in the long run,” she said.

“No! It won’t!” He protested.

“I’m sorry,” she said, grabbing onto his wrists, pulling them away from her face.

“Shay, don’t do this,” he pleaded.

“It’s for the best,” she said again, taking a step back.

“No,” he said, reaching out for her, only to grab onto thin air.

She moved quickly toward his bedroom door.

“Be great, Harry, like I know you will be,” she told him before she slipped out of his bedroom door.

He stood in awe of what just happened. As much as he deserved it, he couldn’t even fathom the possibility of really actually losing her. But the painful realization hit.

She was gone.


	2. One

**_August 2014_ **

“I think your father and I should tag along,” Jay said to her daughter as Louis packed up his car with their belongings for school.

“What? No way,” Shay told her.

“Not _with_ you guys. But you know, in our car… following you,” she suggested.

“We will be fine, Mom. I promise. Louis and I can handle it,” Shay said, rolling her eyes.

“But you’re leaving for college. My baby girl is leaving home for the first time,” Johannah said, grabbing Shay into her arms.

“Oh my god, Mom. She’s eighteen years old. She’ll be fine. Plus, she’ll have me and Harry to watch over her like we always planned,” Louis said, bringing the last bag out and shoving it in the trunk.

With the mention of Harry, Shay’s stomach plummeted.

How were things with her and Harry? Well, things were pretty much non-existent. After what happened when Shay ended their relationship, Harry went back to school for the next five months. They shared a few conversations over the phone, here and there. But things kind of died off between them. And then just before summer hit, Shay started dating a boy named Chris, much to Harry’s dismay. 

…

**_June 2013_ **

_“Who’s the guy?” Harry asked Shay after Chris left her house that night._

_“Uh, Chris,” Shay breathed, feeling awkward that he was standing there._

_Harry was invited over for dinner that evening, but when Jay told her about it, she already had plans to hang out with her boyfriend. And a part of her was more than a little relieved that she didn’t have to sit through the awkwardness of having dinner with her ex._

_But now, Harry stood leaning against the door frame in the doorway of her room, watching her._

_“He’s your boyfriend?” Harry asked curiously._

_“Uh... yeah,” Shay said, swallowing hard, feeling sick in the pit of her stomach._

_There was no real reason for her to feel that way. Why should she feel bad for moving on after Harry cheated on her? She shouldn’t. But she still did._

_“Louis told me you two just started seeing each other,” Harry pointed out._

_“Yeah. About a month ago,” she said quietly, letting her eyes drop down to her hands._

_“A lot can happen in a month,” Harry said cryptically. Shay’s eyes shot up to his, because she knew he was referring to everything they did with one another in their first month together._

_“Things are different,” she told him. She didn’t know why she felt the need to justify herself to him. But it was Harry and she just did._

_“Things are most definitely different,” he said as his green eyes penetrated hers._

_“Harry,” Shay sighed, letting her vision drop again._

_“Who is he?” Harry asked, prying further into her life._

_“I don’t know. Just… just a friend from school,” she said with a shrug. She didn’t know what else to say. She knew Chris from school. It was that simple._

_“I don’t remember him,” he said, quirking his head._

_“Well, he’s from school,” she said, feeling a little annoyed that he was being so inquisitive._

_“And you just decided to start dating him? Right before I came home for the summer?” Harry asked, causing Shay to scoff as she looked at him incredulously._

_“Seems a little convenient,” Harry said as he pursed his lips, looking around her room nonchalantly._

_“A little convenient? What is that supposed to mean?” She shot at him. He had quite the audacity to come at her like that._

_Harry looked over at her, his eyes serious and a bit challenging._

_“That you’re scared,” he said confidently._

_“Scared of what? Of you?” She scoffed impatiently._

_“I don’t know. Of something. It’s like you’re trying to punish me for what I did, or something, by dating some guy when I come home from school,” he said arrogantly._

_She nearly dropped her mouth open in awe. Was he serious? Did he think her entire life revolved around him?_

_“News flash, Harry. Not everything is about you,” she shot at him. He chuckled lightly with a smug smirk on his lips._

_“I just… I thought it’d be different,” Harry told her with a shrug of his shoulders._

_“Yeah. You thought I was just gonna sit here pining for you, just waiting to take you back, after you cheated on me!?” She shot at him, letting her bitterness out._

_His eyes shot straight to hers and she could see the anger and pain in them because of her words._

_“I-I… never did anything with her. I talked to her about it. We never did anything,” Harry stammered, looking a bit shell-shocked. Shay gulped with his words, feeling bad that she threw it in his face._

_“It doesn’t change things though, Harry,” she sighed, looking away from him again._

_“I wish it did,” he said quietly. She felt the sting of tears in her eyes, knowing she wished the same._

_“I miss you, Shay,” he breathed sadly._

_Shay nodded her head but she couldn’t look up at him and she couldn’t say it back. He would see the tears and he would know her feelings for him never changed. And she knew she couldn’t let that happen, because she would just go through the pain of losing him all over again in two months. She wouldn’t allow herself to be put through that again. She couldn’t._

…

Shay and Christopher dated for the majority of her senior year before she found out he actually _did_ cheat on her. She was literally zero for three on the dating front. All three of her boyfriends fucking her over in the end and she wasn’t sure if it was her or what. She was the common denominator in each scenario after all. It had to be something she was doing. Or maybe, it was because she picked boys that were no good.

Except, she knew that wasn’t true. Because Harry was good. And she was sure he still was. It was the hardest decision she ever had to make when she ended their relationship. And now, they weren’t anything to each other. Two years came and went, and they barely spoke or saw each other. They weren’t friends, much less lovers. 

But now there they were, about to head off to the same college together. It was her plan ever since Harry got his acceptance letter. She was going to go to _Penn State_ along with her older brother and the boy she loved. Somewhere deep down inside of her, she knew she never changed the plan in the past two years because she was still hung up on Harry. And she didn’t really care if she was. A love like that didn’t just go away. At least not for her. Even after Harry went back to school, Shay still thought of him every day. It took a long time for her to feel okay again. And when Louis finally found out she broke up with Harry nearly two months later, she had to relive it all over again. 

…

**_February 2013_ **

_“What the hell, Shay?” Louis snapped at her as she answered his call._

_“What?” Shay asked, making a face of utter annoyance. What could he possibly be mad at her for? He’d been gone at school for months._

_“You broke up with Harry?” He scoffed loudly._

_“Oh,” she said, letting her end of the line go silent._

_“Oh? Is that all you’re going to say?” Louis snapped impatiently._

_“What do you want me to say?” She asked evenly._

_“You are so stupid!” He spat at her._

_“Screw you, Louis,” Shay yelled at him._

_“You were apparently so heartbroken when you two weren’t together, when I didn’t want you to be together. And now, what? You just don’t care?” Louis asked, his voice still angry._

_“It’s not like I don’t care…” Shay said quietly._

_“It doesn’t seem like it!” Louis yelled at her._

_“Jesus, Louis. Stop yelling at me!” She screamed back._

_“You broke up with him at Christmas?” He asked._

_“It’s complicated,” she said quietly. She didn’t know how else to explain it._

_“It’s not. You’re just selfish!” Louis snapped at her._

_“Louis…” Shay said quietly._

_“You’re just getting back at him for breaking up with you because of me,” he told her._

_“Way to make it all about you, Louis,” Shay scoffed._

_“This isn’t about me. This is about how you’re treating Harry. He loves you, Shay,” Louis told her._

_It tore at her heart, but it also pissed her off because it was coming from Louis. He didn’t have a right to have an opinion about their relationship. Not when he worked so hard to destroy it before._

_“You have no idea what you’re even talking about, Louis!” Shay yelled as her tears stung the back of her eyes._

_“You’re selfish, Shay,” Louis said finally before hanging up on her._

_“Gahhh…” Shay groaned before throwing her phone on her bed. What an asshole!_

_Shay paced around her room for a bit to dispel the anger she was feeling toward Louis. How dare he call her and accuse her of anything. He had no idea! Maybe she should have told him the truth, since Harry obviously didn’t have the balls to._

_Shay threw herself onto her bed and curled up with one of her pillows, feeling a bit self-loathing. Maybe Louis was right. Maybe she was being selfish. But she didn’t think she could trust Harry anymore. How could she possibly be so far away from him for so long and pretend like everything would be okay? They wouldn’t. She and Harry were better off as friends. It was just too complicated._

…

“We’ve got to go pick up Harry,” Louis announced to his parents, breaking Shay out of her thoughts.

“You’ll tell him we say hello, right? We miss that boy around here,” Jay said, hugging Louis.

“I will,” Louis said, as he pulled out of his mom’s arms and hugged his dad.

“Are you going to be okay riding in a car with Harry for four hours?” Jay asked, speaking quietly to her daughter as they said their goodbyes.

“Oh. Yeah. I’ll be fine. I mean, it’s been two years. I’m completely over it,” Shay said, waving her hand through the air, giving her a quick nod.

“Shaylynn, you don’t have to pretend with me,” Jay said, giving her a look of bullshit.

“It’s just Harry, Mom. I’m fine,” she told her, lying through her teeth.

In reality, her insides were being slashed and torn up at the thought of spending any amount of time with Harry in the awkward phase they’d reached with one another.

“ _Shay…_ ” She eyed her.

“I’m fine. We’re adults. We’re completely okay. I’ve got bigger things to worry about,” she told her.

“Like starting college,” Johannah pointed out, smiling proudly at her daughter, seeming to drop the whole Harry conversation.

“Like starting college,” Shay repeated with a nod.

“I’m so proud of you!” Jay said, throwing her arms around her.

“Mom. My god, Mother. I’ll only be four hours away. You were never this weepy when Louis left for college,” Shay said, trying to pry herself from her grasp.

“That’s because I actually got to bring him to college. And besides, you’re the baby. You’re my last little birdy leaving the nest,” she said, pulling away to look at her daughter.

“Oh, lord,” Shay said, rolling her eyes playfully.

“I just love you so much,” Jay gushed.

“Mom, seriously. We’ve got to go,” Louis called over impatiently, rolling his eyes.

“I know, I know,” Jay said, hugging Shay again quickly before she pulled back.

“I love you, Mom,” Shay told her.

“I love you too, baby,” Jay cooed, smiling at her with a sad look in her eyes.

Shay blew her a kiss as she walked toward her dad, and Jay blew one back.

“Daddy,” Shay murmured, smiling at him.

“Shaylynn,” Mark said, pulling her into a hug.

“I love you,” she told him.

“I love you too. Now, be good,” Mark told her firmly.

“I’ll be great,” she retorted, smiling wildly at him.

“That’s all I ask,” he chuckled, letting her go.

“I love you, Daddy,” she said, walking toward the passenger seat of Louis’ car.

“I love you, Peanut,” Mark told her, using the nickname he used to call her as a girl.

Shay and Louis both waved off their parents before he pulled out of the driveway, headed to the Styles house. The second they were out of view of their parents, Shay’s anxiety kicked in again. Her heart was beating so hard in her chest thinking about having to see Harry. He was away most of the summer in New York doing some sort of internship – or so she heard from Louis. So he didn’t come around very often. A fact she did not either like or dislike. Things were so complicated and only destined to complicate further.

Shay swallowed hard when they arrived at the Styles house and the entire family was waiting in the driveway. Her eyes locked on Harry right away. Her mouth was dry and her nerves were frayed. The fact that he could still affect her like that was not lost on her. She was blindingly aware of it.

Shay and Louis both got out of the vehicle to greet the entire clan. It had been so long. She missed them all so much. She did a round of hugs, saying hello to all of them, before she was left standing in front of Harry. Suddenly he wasn’t the boy she knew – he was a man. A very handsomely striking twenty-year-old man. And all she could do was stand there staring at him.

“Hi, Shay,” he breathed with a smile on his lips.

“Uh, hi,” she said as they very awkwardly hugged one another.

“Congratulations on getting into _Penn State_ ,” he said, smirking at her.

“Yeah. Uh, yeah. Thanks,” she said, taking a step back, feeling as if they were just too close.

“Glad to hear Louis and I will be able to protect you like we always planned,” he chuckled lightly.

“Yeah,” she breathed with a small smile.

His voice was pleasant and friendly. And there was something in his tone of voice that told her he was saying these things for his family’s sake. Because his eyes were telling her another story – that there was so much unfinished business between the two of them that still needed to be addressed. Silly things said around the dinner table long ago were nothing of his real concern. And honestly, Shay was scared shitless to even entertain the idea of talking to Harry in private. It was enough to make her want to curl up into the fetal position and ignore everything and everyone. 

But then she remembered how it used to be between them and she wondered how on earth she let herself be frightened of that boy at all. He may have grown up, but he was still Harry. And if she could have it all back, wouldn’t she want that?


	3. Two

**_August 2014_ **

It hurt Harry a little to see Shay. He knew it would. They weren’t together and there was nothing in the world he wanted more than her. He spent two years pining for the girl. And now he was in her presence again and he couldn’t reach out to her or touch her or hold her like he wanted to. What he wanted more than anything was to just grab her in his arms and tell her how much he loved her, how much he wanted to be with her, how he never lost hope in them even as the years ticked away – it was always her. He’d tell her once again of how sorry he was that he messed up their relationship so many times and that if he had just one more chance, he would never let her go. He would never let anything come between them again.

But life doesn’t always go according to plan and he knew that all too well. Harry didn’t get to say all the things he wanted to because they weren’t alone. They were crammed into a car with Louis, Shay’s older brother and his best friend – who never really was a fan of their relationship in the first place. So Shay sat in the backseat and Harry sat in the passenger seat, stealing glances at her through the car mirrors. 

The three of them spent about an hour practically silent with just the sounds of whatever came up on Louis’ iPod to serenade them. Harry would be the first to admit there was an awkward tension surrounding all three of them. And all he wanted to do was break that.

“So, Shay…” Harry said, turning toward her in his seat.

Their vision met – her eyes wide in surprise, probably wondering why he was even speaking to her.

“Yeah?” She asked, giving him an odd look.

“Are you excited? I mean, you know, for school?” He asked her with a smile.

Harry saw Louis turn toward him, giving him a look of question. Like, _why are you even talking to her?_ Harry just sent him a look right back and focused his attention back on Shay.

“Uh, I guess. I mean… as excited as one could be to be going to school,” she said with a shrug of her shoulders.

Harry hated that she sounded uncomfortable talking to him. He missed when they could talk about anything and everything. He missed _them_ so much.

“There is so much more to college than the school part of it,” he replied, smiling widely at her.

“Yeah, I can’t wait to meet new people,” she said, smiling back.

Harry felt a stabbing pain through his heart. _Meet new people?_ Haunting images of seeing her with her ex-boyfriend Chris came to mind. He couldn’t stand seeing that ungrateful little shit with her. He never deserved her and that fact was proven when he cheated on her. Harry didn’t know how well he would be able to handle seeing her with other guys at school. He didn’t have to _actually_ see Shay with Chris because he was away at school. But now he and Shay would be going to the same school. And sure, it was a big campus, but he already had plans to throw himself into Shay’s life again – even if it meant they needed to start back at square one. He would be her friend because his end goal was to get her back. 

“Are you excited to meet your roommate?” Harry asked her, shaking off her previous comment.

“Yeah. I mean, she seems cool. We’ve emailed each other a little bit. But emailing is nothing compared to living with a person. I just hope she’s not, like weird or something. Not that weird is bad. I like weird. But, I mean, weird like it makes me feel uncomfortable, you know?” Shay stammered, giggling slightly once she was finished. Harry couldn’t help but laugh. He missed hearing her rambles. He never realized how much until that moment.

“I’m sure she’s thinking the same thing. And really, she’s in for it,” he laughed, making a joke of it as he cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Hey! Shut up!” Shay laughed, leaning forward to push his shoulder forcefully. Harry laughed out loud, causing her to laugh too as she shook her head.

“You’re pretty weird, Shay,” he laughed and smirked at her.

“I am not!” She scoffed through a laugh.

“It makes me super uncomfortable,” Harry joked.

“Shut up, you ass,” Shay snapped, but kept the smile on her face, so he knew she wasn’t truly offended.

“I’m joking, Shaylynn,” he laughed.

Harry really enjoyed that they were having such a light moment with each other after many dark ones. He really needed her back in his life.

“You seem to forget that I know you,” he said, smiling at her. With his words, her smile faded.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, cutting her vision from his to look out the window. Now he was making her uncomfortable. And he didn’t want that.

He swallowed the lump in his throat, determined to keep things light between them.

“She’ll love you, Shay. Everyone does,” he told her, bringing it back to their original conversation. Shay turned to look at him, her eyes searching his.

“Thanks,” she said quietly with a small smile, before she went back to looking out the window. 

Harry watched her for a few moments before he faced forward, staring out the windshield, thinking only about the beautiful girl in the backseat.

…

“Who are you kidding?” Harry asked, walking up to Shay who was standing in front of the slushie machine at the gas station, holding an empty cup in her hand, debating her choices.

“What?” She asked, looking over at him, quirking an eyebrow.

“You’re going to choose cherry. You always do,” he stated matter-of-factly, smirking at her.

“But I mean, there are so many choices,” she said with a smile.

“But you’re going to choose cherry,” he repeated confidently.

“But there’s grape,” Shay said, pointing it out.

“Only second to cherry,” he countered.

Shay eyed him for a few moments before a smirk formed on her own face. Harry watched as she placed her cup under the spout of the cherry slushie and filled it up.

“All’s right with the world,” Harry joked, grabbing his own cup.

“Blue raspberry,” she said with a smile as she pulled her cup away from the machine once it was full.

“You remember,” Harry said with a smile, putting his own cup under the spout of the blue raspberry.

“Cherry is too sweet for you. I remember,” she said with a nod.

“Sweet like you,” he replied without missing a beat, saying the cheesy line he always would when they had this exact conversation two summers ago. Shay giggled lightly, a blush rising in her cheeks.

“I never understood why you never mixed your slushies. I mean, you like them all. Why not enjoy them all?” Harry asked with a sideways smirk.

“That would be like mixing different cereals together,” she said, giving him an appalled look.

“As a matter of fact, that sounds delicious,” he chuckled.

“There’s a reason they are separated, Harry,” she said and smirked at him.

“Yeah, so you can experiment freely,” he pointed out.

“Gross,” Shay giggled and Harry loved that he was able to make her laugh again.

Harry brought his straw up to his lips and drank some of the blush slushie goodness.

“ _Mm_ , blue raspberry,” he said, enjoying the taste and the familiarity of the drink.

“Why don’t you mix your slushie?” She asked curiously.

“Why would I mess with a good thing?” He asked, quirking an eyebrow.

“You like blue raspberry that much?” She questioned, smiling widely at him.

“More than any other flavor,” he said with a nod.

“Fair enough,” she giggled.

“Guys, come on. Seriously,” they heard Louis, turning in his direction.

“The slave driver beckons,” Harry said quietly, smirking back at Shay, making her giggle again.

It felt like old times with Shay. It really did. And that gave Harry all sorts of hope. Hope that what they had wasn’t destroyed. It was only broken. And he would do everything in his power to fix it.

…

“Hi,” Shay said, leaning against the doorway to Harry’s college dorm.

His back was to her, sitting in the chair at his desk and she wanted nothing more than for him to turn around. She wanted to see his face. She wanted that smile to pull her out of the dark place she’d been living in for as long as he hadn’t been in her arms. She wanted him. That’s all she ever wanted – ever since he kissed her the very first time. Harry was all she needed.

Shay watched as he turned to look at her passively, before turning back to whatever was in front of him on the desk. No smile, just a look.

“Hey,” he said nonchalantly.

“What are you… what are you up to?” She asked, standing up straighter than before.

“Homework,” he told her.

“Hmm. What kind?” She asked, wishing that he would make more of an effort to speak with her.

“The usual,” he said, turning back to eye her once again before going back to his work.

“ _Mm_ ,” she hummed, feeling quite awkward.

She was getting a vibe from him and it certainly wasn’t pleasant. Why was it that she felt like the one who was at fault in their relationship when she’d done nothing wrong? Why was it that she was walking on eggshells around him, feeling all of a sudden like she was about to lose him for good if she said or did the wrong thing?

“Harry…” She breathed.

“ _What_ , Shay?” He snapped, this time facing her fully as he spun his chair toward her, his annoyance ever-present.

“What’s the matter?” She asked, furrowing her brow as she pushed herself completely away from the door frame, standing up straight.

“Nothing. I just… I’m doing homework,” he said with a sigh.

“You can’t set it aside for two minutes?” She asked, raising her voice just slightly.

“Here I am, Shay. I’m setting it aside,” he snapped, throwing his pencil onto the desk in an act of complete and utter annoyance.

“What is your problem?” She scoffed at him, her eyes narrowing.

“Nothing,” he said again with a large sigh.

“I came in here to talk to you… about us – about where we stand with each other. And you’re just acting like… like an asshole,” Shay said, taking great offense over his attitude.

“Maybe I don’t want to talk to you about where we stand,” he told her, crossing his arms over his chest.

“You… don’t...” She choked out.

“Maybe I don’t want what you want anymore, Shay,” he said, staring straight into her eyes.

She was waiting for him to smile, to burst out laughing, to do anything to prove to her that he was joking. But it never came. He kept his hardened expression focused straight on her.

“What… what _do_ you want?” She asked carefully.

“To do my homework,” he said firmly.

“ _Wow_ ,” she said lowly, feeling the prickling of tears forming in her eyes.

“Have a good night, Shay,” he said firmly, turning back to face his homework.

Shay stood there, mouth slightly ajar, staring at the back of his head. She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe what just happened. As the tears began to fall, she turned and ran. She wanted to get as far away from him as she could. She ran until she hit the stairway, slamming her body against the railing as the tears blurred her vision.

“Shay,” she heard and looked down the stairwell.

Just as she did, she heard a snap and felt her body jar. Seconds later she was tumbling down, over the railing, screaming.

Shay woke with a start, her eyes opening wide. It took her a moment to process where she was – what the hell she was doing. She could hear her brother and Harry talking softly in the front seat, only loud enough to hear one another over the music. She was still on the road trip to school. They hadn’t made it there yet. Nothing that just happened in her head was real. But it didn’t change the fact that it felt real and that her heart was pounding almost out of her chest.

Shay sat up straight, running her fingers through her hair as she looked out through the windshield of the car. All that could be seen for miles was the winding road surrounded by lots of large green trees on either side of them. They were in the middle of nowhere, quite literally.

“Hey, you,” she heard Harry’s soft voice as he turned his head toward her.

Her eyes met his and it immediately made her sad, but then she had to remind herself it was only a dream. Things with Harry were okay at the moment. 

“Uh, hey,” she said awkwardly, taking a deep breath and letting it out.

“Are you okay?” He asked, furrowing his brow in question.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine. I just got startled by a… a dream,” she said, looking away from him.

“A bad dream?” He asked, looking concerned.

“You could say that,” she said with a slight nod.

“Well, you’re safe,” he said and sent her a smile.

“I know. Thanks,” she said, giving him a small smile in return, before she settled back into her seat.

Harry kept his eyes on her for a few extra moments before he faced forward again.

“Are we stopping any time soon?” Shay asked Louis a second later. She needed to get out of the car and stretch. She needed to get that dream out of her mind.

“I’ve got about an eighth of a tank. It shouldn’t be too long,” he informed her.

“Good,” Shay breathed, running her hands over her face.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Harry asked, giving her a worried look.

“What? Yeah. I’m fine,” she told him, only looking at him from the corner of her eye.

She felt really weird that she just dreamed about him while she was in such close proximity. She didn’t know what it meant. Was it an omen? Would he actually give up on her in the end? She wasn’t sure if she was ready for that. Especially because she knew she hadn’t really truly dealt with all the feelings she had about their break-up. She knew two years had passed since their relationship ended, but back then she managed to bottle up all her feelings and never really uncorked it again.

When she looked back up at Harry, he was still looking at her with concern in his eyes. And somehow she knew her dream would never become a reality. And it calmed her in a way she hadn’t felt in a long time.

…

“You’re being a little obvious,” Louis said as he and Harry headed into the men’s room of the convenient store they stopped at somewhere near the state line.

“About what?” Harry asked him.

“That you’re still hung up on my sister. She’s going to catch on,” Louis said, giving him a stupid smirk.

Harry stopped to stare at him as Louis positioned himself in front of one of the urinals.

“What?” Louis looked back at him, letting out a chuckle.

“Well, that’s kind of the point,” Harry said, walking up to take the urinal next to him.

“What do you mean? You want to get back with her?” Louis asked, looking rather confused.

“Uh, yeah,” Harry said obviously as he finished his business and flushed the urinal.

“Are you serious?” Louis asked as the two of them walked up to the sinks to wash their hands.

“Dead serious,” Harry told him, looking at him through the mirror.

“After she broke up with you _on_ Christmas?” Louis asked, giving him another stupid look.

“What?” Harry asked, stopping to look at him.

“ _What_ , what?” Louis asked, looking at him oddly.

“Shay didn’t… it was _my_ fault the relationship ended,” Harry told him, feeling so confused about everything. All these years he thought Louis knew.

“Your fault? I thought… I thought she just didn’t want to deal with you being at school,” Louis said, looking just as confused as Harry felt.

“No, no,” Harry said, shaking his head, feeling kind of sick that he would now have to tell him the real reason.

“What did you do?” Louis asked, setting his jaw, looking a bit protective.

“I, uh… really I didn’t do anything. It just… it wasn’t… I shouldn’t have been in the situation in the first place,” Harry said, stumbling over his words as he dried his hands with a paper towel.

“What did you do?” Louis asked more impatiently.

“I, uh… I woke up with, uh… with Christy Parsons in my bed one night after we went out drinking,” Harry confessed, looking up into his best friends eyes slowly. He could see the anger immediately swell up in Louis, his eyes going wide.

“What the _fuck_ did you do? You cheated on my sister?” Louis growled.

“No. God, no. I-I couldn’t remember either way. But I didn’t. Christy told me nothing happened. Seriously, man. I would never…” Harry told him, letting his voice trail off.

“But you were in bed with another girl?” Louis questioned, looking at him with fierce eyes.

“I don’t know how she got there. I really don’t. I just… I loved Shay so much. I wouldn’t do that. I still love her, man. And seriously, I will do anything to get her to remember that – to have her love me back again,” Harry told him sincerely.

“I _yelled_ at her, Harry. I yelled at her for you. Because I thought she was just being a petty bitch by breaking up with you,” Louis told him.

“You… you did?” Harry asked, knitting his eyebrows in question.

“I did. And now I feel like a fucking asshole,” he said, running his hands through his hair.

“I’m sorry. I… I thought you knew,” Harry told him.

“If I’d known, I probably would have kicked your ass,” Louis said, looking back up at him.

“Yeah, you probably would have,” Harry agreed. He was grateful Louis finally grew into maturity, but for a second there he thought he just might take a swing at him for good measure.

Louis looked straight into his eyes, staring at him for a few moments.

“You really want to get her back?” Louis asked as his expression went from angst to understanding.

“I do,” Harry told him. It was _all_ he wanted.

“Well, if she actually takes your stupid ass back, make sure not to fuck it up,” Louis said, letting a smirk form on his lips.

“I don’t plan to ever again,” Harry told him.

Louis nodded once before he threw open the bathroom door and walked out of it. Harry blew out a large breath, letting the anxiety drain from his body.

He wanted Shay and he wanted Shay to want him again. He just hoped it wasn’t going to take another two years to go about it.


End file.
